19-09-2015

Drinking 240 year-old Sherry will land you in jail

During a tour through Crimea by Russian president/leader-for-life Vladimir Putin and former Italian prime minister Silvio Berlusconi (who all British press add “disgraced” to the beginning of) they apparently drank a very rare bottle of 1775 Jerez de la Frontera Sherry. This has in turned sparked the ire of Ukraine to which Crimea still in theory belongs although no Western government will seem to acknowledge and Google Maps has even given the “Eastern Border of Israel” treatment to. Ukraine has ruled that the drinking of said bottle of 240 year-old wine was destruction of cultural heritage as the bottle has been a gem in the Massandra winery’s half a million bottle collection forever.

There are many things to absorb in this. For starters, someone might wonder as to how a wine that’s older than the United States would taste? Probably pretty decent. Sherry (and for that matter other fortified wines) was created to be bulletproof for sea journeys with the addition of the distilled alcohol which not only stopped fermentation but also stopped all other forms of bacterial growth. But, they were making Sherry that long ago? Yes, it actually started in the region during Moorish occupation in the 8th century and was fully legal under Islamic law until butthole, Al-Hakam II decided that alcohol was then bad for some reason. But, under European control, the region has been actively producing and presumably getting loaded on Sherry since the 13th century.

The bigger question of course is to whether Putin and Berlusconi enjoyed this rare treat that’s worth some $90,000 USD or so. Putin seems that he would prefer whatever James Bond’s archenemy drinks which would in theory not be Vodka but instead some form of tisane distilled from the tears of an albino leopard. Berlusconi on the other hand, while from Italy’s north and most impressive wine area would seem to enjoy wine. The only issue is that after so many bunga bunga years, everything would presumably taste like underage prostitutes to him which is a rather unfathomable flavor admittedly yet one he presumably knows oh so well being Italy’s Disgraced Former Prime Minister and all.

Thus, the drinking of this rare Sherry was most likely a waste, much like this one. And it comes on the heels of Ukraine having a rough go with wine-related celebrities farting in their general direction as shown by their need to ban Gerard Depardieu from the country. If you need more on that particular issue, watch John Oliver’s take, seriously, watch that while mourning the loss of this lovely wine being opened for two corrupt politicians; hopefully they knew to use an ah-so.

Above photo from Wikipedia